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As a mother of two teenage boys, I know that it isn't always easy to communicate well with your teen.
It's particularly frustrating when they aren't talking to you. However, when I started applying these techniques to our lives, I found that we started getting along better almost immediately. With less arguing between us, our relationship became stronger.
1. Make Your Teen Your Focus
Give your teens your full attention. I know that this is a toughie, because we tend to be so busy. It seems as if we are always multi-tasking. However, it is important in clear communicating that you make a point of stopping what you are doing and really listen to your teens (rather than just hearing him). When you give your teens your undivided attention, they will know that you care, because you took the time to listen, thereby increasing the chances that they will listen to you.
2. Get the Details
Hear what your teen is really saying! Teens tend to give terse answers to questions, leaving out details that may be important. It's up to you to be able to get them to open up and draw them into a conversation.
Here is an example:
Teen: "I hate my teacher!"
Parent: "Oh, you don't really mean that!"
Teen: "Yes, I do. I double hate him!"
Parent: "Well, I don't want to hear that kind of talk. I am sure you don't really hate him!"
Teen: "Yes, I do so. I hate all teachers!"
Parent: "Do you think hating your teachers is going to get you a good mark?"
And on and on the arguing goes….
Here’s an alternative:
Teen: "I hate my teacher!"
Parent: "Wow, you don't normally hate anybody. What did he do to get you talking like that?"
Teen: "A couple of kids didn't have their homework finished again today, so he decided to punish all of us by giving us a math test tomorrow!"
Parent: "That doesn't sound very fair!"
Teen: "No, it isn't fair at all. I wanted to go over to Rachel's tonight to hang out and listen to music. Instead I have to study for that stupid test. I am so mad at my teacher! He ruins everything!"
Parent: (Just listening.)
This teen was able to express herself, and she felt validated by her parent.
You will notice that the parent didn't argue about the feelings the teen had. The parent listened and was not judgmental. You don't have to agree with your teen’s feelings. You only need to acknowledge them. There is no such thing as a wrong feeling. We can’t help what our teens may feel. We should set limits, however, on behaviors that don’t conform to what we consider to be appropriate behavior. Expressing one's feelings is a healthy thing; although negative expressions of one’s feelings should be avoided, such as screaming or name calling. A good way to avoid this is using time-outs--wait and continue the conversation when everybody has calmed down.
Next Month: Open-Ended Questions/Criticize Behavior, Not Your Teen/Let the Consequence Fit the Action/Using Descriptive Praise
Published At: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=168673&ca=Parenting
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